Spirit Hat

The trick is not simply to acquire the knowledge, but to survive the lessons.¹

little while ago I wrote a letter to a hearth brother. In it I'd been talking about spirituality or my take on it least ways. It was a good letter and I'd like to share the thoughts here.
For the writing of the words I'd put on my spirit hat, the dusty, beat-up one with the shinny black feather in the band, and told him about my path and how I live with the ups and downs, with the good times and the bad times and how I've learned to talk to Spirit and listen all the time. Maybe you'll get something out of it or maybe you won't. It doesn't really matter, the words will find their way once they're set free. This telling rambles a bit like an old road, please bear with it...
I've walked this road for close to 40 years now and spent a good part of that time butting my head up against the wall. Not listening, trying to go my own way. Trying to do it on my own. About 5 years ago I gave up on that trip, I said "Spirit, I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do with this life, I'm not happy, I'm not doing anything with this time I have, I'm not giving back, I'm just existing...I give up, I surrender. You're in charge, tell me where to go and I'll go." A few weeks later I moved here (from Canada to the US). I had some serious doubts mind you, but when I said to Spirit "you point, I'll go" I meant it...So here I am.
Over the years that I've been here I've divested myself of a great deal of my baggage and pre-conceived notions about spirituality. Being here gave me the space to find my heart and for that I'm grateful. Spirit sent me here to meet my family and for that I'm grateful. It hasn't been an easy road. As I did the academic work that goes into writing articles for this journal most of my beliefs fell away till I was left pretty much as naked as a newborn. Kind of scary, but I noticed that one thing remained constant though I no longer had a name or a face or a culture to put on it. I was wrapped in a shinning blanket of Spirit...It wasn't Celtic, Craft, Native American or any other one culture or tradition, it was just Spirit. That lack of cultural trapping took some getting used to, I felt like an outsider with most people I knew. But I stuck with the belief that I was on my path and that each path is different so who was I to question the validity of this strange Way I was on. There has been too much of what I call the "Finger of Spirit" in my life for me to question the authority...I know who I work for...
So here I am, no set religion, no specific gods or goddesses, but with an ever growing sense of Spirit moving through my life. I don't do ritual or formal ceremony unless absolutely necessary and it's usually for someone else's benefit; a healing or something like that. A lot of my previous formal teachings have gotten pitched out the window and I've basically had to start from scratch. The first lesson and by far the hardest, is that there is nothing that is not of Spirit. That Spirit is always there, always present, always listening, always responding...Now this is easy enough when things are going well or at least not too badly. It's harder when things aren't so easy or when they're real hard...Our greatest lessons are the ones that push us the hardest. It's tough to be grateful for them. It's so much easier to say thank you for the easy times and the love freely given. But it's been said that we don't grow up until we can give thanks for our troubles as well as our blessings...I'm still a babe in this regard but I'm working on seeing beyond the day to day and being grateful for when my life blows up because in retrospect, I can see why it had to.
Last summer we (my hearth brother and I) started a discussion about freewill and pre-destination. It was a busy time and we didn't get very far into it. The conversation came back to my mind a couple of days ago, probably because I'm trying to see my way consciously now, looking at the BIG picture, trying to get a handle on this life's lessons and the work I'm supposed to do on this tour. The way I see this is that we each have lessons we're supposed to learn while we're here, to learn those lessons we encounter specific situations, how we deal with them is up to us. We find people and situations to work on these issues. Is this "decided" before we are born? Sometimes I wonder if some of it might be because I've seen myself and others keep going through the same thing over and over and over again until it finally sinks in, or not...With some people it's easy to see what their lessons are and how they find themselves in situations which will test their will to grow. The choice is to either fall back on old patterns and beliefs or do the work and move beyond them...As the wise Grandfather in Charles de Lint's book said "…the trick is not simply to acquire the knowledge, but to survive the lessons…" Something else to ponder…So I've come to think that it's not a question of predestination vs. free-will, of one or the other, but of both - some patterns seem to be set in place before we are born and we have the free will to chose how to work with them or not work with them.
"...there are forces at work most of us do not want to acknowledge.....Everyone comes into the world with a work to do, and there are special forces to guide in accomplishing that work. To truly do this work with the purest expression, you must be with the spirit, mentally and physically....Everyone has a path. Everyone! To be on your path you must understand the connections, have love and respect. To be off your path, there will be pain and confusion no matter what else you do....."
from Wisdom's Daughters; conversations with Women Elders of Native America.

There are moments when I look at what is being laid before me and I'm am scared to death...It's huge, uncharted territory and I have to go it alone, sort of...When one of my lessons is staring me in the face I can cave in or grow beyond it...This whole process and sometimes mess called "my life" is clearly my path and it includes the day to day secular reality as well as the inner work that needs to be done for me to proceed. How can I possibly separate the secular from the spiritual when one is affected by the other? How can I possibly separate them when my decision making process is being influenced by what Spirit is revealing to me? The choices I make and their coming into fruition are most definitely part of my path. How can I possibly separate them when it is so clear that Spirit brought me here to do what I've done, to meet the people I have met? How can I possibly separate the two when it is so clear that my daily life is being disrupted for the sake of my spiritual path? That the disruption is a necessary element, that there is something very crucial for me to learn. That how I work through these lessons and the choices that I make are necessary for me to proceed with my work here...
So, for me the secular is the spiritual, it isn't always bright and shinning but it's all Spirit.
And so is the give-back "work" I do. Spirit-work I call it, the work of helping others with their load. Maybe I've been where they are and they need a little guidance or comfort. It's a hard road at time. Most folks are sleepwalking through it but for those of us who are at least half ways awake it can get pretty hairy. So we do what we can to help each other out. A hearth sister of mine and I were talking about this very thing a little while ago and we agreed that are a few things we need to keep in mind:
~~We can't live another person's life for them.
~~We can't make a person live their life the way we want them to.
~~We can't make another person's choices for them.
~~People make the choices they do (whether we agree with them or not) because they must -- it is "their" Path, not ours.
And that it is our responsibility as "spiritual helpers" to do what has to be done - and that the "help" must be given freely without attachment to outcome or waiting for people to bang on the door asking for it. When folks are really stressed you have to be there for them, not wait for them to show up and ask for help, you have to give it freely. That can mean walking the dog, doing the dishes, handing out tissues, buying them groceries, cooking; whatever is needed at the time, that is what you do. Spiritual work can mean getting your hands dirty working in the garden or cleaning out the hen house as well as counseling. As helpers we need to be available without expectations of what spiritual work should look like or carry attachment the outcome of our efforts...
We don't help others with the expectation that they will be forever or even a little grateful. It is our responsibility as spiritual helpers to just do what has to be done. We don't walk away from people because they don't live up to our expectations. We don't abandon them because they don't change in the way we think they should. There are some people who won't grow beyond their limitations, who won't learn their lessons this turn of the wheel and yet we don't give up on them; they give up on themselves. How can we know what words at what time will bring someone to that point where they have the courage and will to pull themselves out of the mire...If it doesn't happen in the first five minutes or the first five years does that mean we should walk away? There are some who walk away from us, who can't handle seeing the mirrors we hold up for them, who can't handle their own truths. Though it can be heartbreaking we have to let them go their own way. All we can do is plant seeds, knowing that even spent soil and fallow earth will in time bear a rich harvest. Spirit does not work on our timetable. Spirit is the Great Recycler, there is always the next turn of the wheel.

Wiilow Ragan

1. From Svaha by Charles de Lint. Return to text